I’ve been feeling so weighted. I guess that’s the word to use. There have been many things swirling around in my head, about my job, about Andrew’s job situation, about where we’ll be at in a few months, which homegroup we need to be apart of, etc. There’s a lot to pray over which makes me feel weighted. Not that these things are necessarily burdensome all the time, but my constant battle to trust in God’s loving plans for us is what makes me feel burdened. When I’m not fully trusting and relying my heart on him.
That being said, thoughts of if my job will be my job in the future and how well I’m performing my job have been points of stress and tension for me. I’m learning to work out Colosians 3 by working as unto the Lord with everything that I do. I know I need not fear losing my job. Like I said, it’s a battle. I want to be at rest and at peace knowing that I need to give my best effort as unto the Lord and then see what happens, but not fear the WHAT IFs.
But given this knowledge, you could understand my panic today when I lost some important documents. I went back and forth looking. During my frustration and bewilderment, I prayed “Lord I don’t know if you want me to not have this job or what. Or if you’re working it so that I don’t have this job. But I need your help. I need to find those papers. Please help me find them. Please help me. I need your help.” My last place to look was at Starbucks and as I pulled up to the store, there was a small piece of paper that looked exactly like the ones I was looking for! I jolted out to see that it was the lost paper! I only needed one more now…so I looked over to see if the wind had blown the paper further away. Sure enough the other one was sitting in the grass! PRAISE GOD! I started to cry. I said said thank you Lord. Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping me. You are so kind. You are so sweet Lord. Thank you. Man, he cares about the small things!